Thinking about my relationship is suddenly getting me very uneasy. Without the high of infatuation to fuel me, the thought of intimacy is continually scaring me. It has been for the past months or so...my natural self resurfacing, I suppose. I always was averse to physical closeness; there's a reason I don't hug my friends or even dare touch them.

I feel myself wanting distance. The thought of being alone with him makes my stomach squirm, as if I'm afraid of the things he'll do to me, the boundaries he'll cross--intimacy in itself. It's all wrong...or is it just this long absence? Is it just that? I hope so.

I always knew I wasn't meant for real life romance; I never could handle responsibility, obligation, commitment, or even simple care......

I feel as if I love no one in the world. I don't. Maybe I've had to admit this to myself for the longest time.