Those days when I hate everyone and don't want anyone to act as if they care about me. Today's one of those. I feel like beating up everyone who talks to me. And anyone who moves in my presence, really.

machiavellianism fascinates me

Something chanced upon during semi-casual Literature mugging:

"According to Machiavelli's popular and controversial theory, being a successful leader has nothing to do with being a nice person or doing the right thing. Instead, it's about being inventive, manipulative, charismatic, crafty, and willful. Machiavelli said that rulers should appear good to the public but shouldn't be above doing some pretty bad stuff in private."

I like that idea. I have it in my mind to create a Machiavellian character for some future story.

on analysis

Just because a book is not a masterpiece does not mean that there are no pockets of literary brilliance scattered throughout. I believe there is at least something worthy of analysis in every literary work, if only because it is the study of artistry, and any work that enjoys any degree of success has managed to employ some technique of the art.

R3!

That aside, I think my favourite characters from The Tragedy of King Richard the Third are the two sons of Edward IV, Edward V (once Prince of Wales and then King of England before death) and Richard Duke of York. I do enjoy the younger's lines more. Who can't love the "parlous boy".

I'd say I'm mildly appalled

Wow, Umbrella is so self-indulgent.

I suppose the realisation comes after encountering a book of similar "flavour" to Umbrella. I might have thought it deep while writing it, but really any sense of "depth" is negated by my shameless partiality towards the segments I enjoyed writing, not all of much significance to the work as a whole. I guess that's where those 315,000 words sprang from.

I'm sorry to anyone who (quite foolishly, I'd think) banked any hopes upon the eventual release of this story, but I will not be letting anyone read it in full until I can iron it straight and clean it up so it doesn't look like the hangover of my delirious imaginings. I grant that there is some material I judge to be almost worthy of the eyes of others; the less meaty (spoilery) bits of it go here.

Meanwhile, I will be hard at work at it--after the 'A' levels.

I try, I drop past grievances, yet I cannot but hate you. Not for grudge but because you impose upon me. You behave believing all are meant to cede to the requirements of your ways. Perhaps the bias has already embedded itself; if our amiability must survive upon my constant acceding then I'm not sure I'm patient enough to endure such a friendship. It must be a fair exchange, else it would be servitude not friendship.

ouchhh

Today I coughed till my shoulders and abdomen cramped up. Well, that's a new one. Possibly the worst flu I've had to suffer (but surprisingly without fever).

blogskin revamp the second

So I did. I just turned my blogskin into Black Butler/Kuroshitsuji fangirl heaven. For those unaware, both of the existence of this manga/anime series and of my love of it, it is wonderful and delicious because of the art, aristocrats and opulence of the backdrops. Some works hinge on atmosphere. I adore such works. Black Butler does it flawlessly.

I also worked out a lot of CSS in the process, thereby spending an entire afternoon I should have dedicated to Umbrella Story alone (in interest of finishing with time for A levels revision). I imagine CSS is highly useful to know. Particularly for one interested in going into graphic design.

Now you will note the mainbox and sidebar are in greyscale...until you hover your cursor over them. Then they magically gain colour! But what's this, the pictures are still in greyscale? Hover again--colour and scaling! There is also a blurry-to-clear title hover effect when you view individual posts.

In other news, see the post below.

focus switch?

I'm considering turning this into my writing blog. Unless people actually like to read about my life and miseries and such.

Umbrella Story word cloud

We all know who the story's about.

my two cents regarding examinations

Prelims over three/four weeks ago, nothing between now and the 'A' levels--nothing official. I don't think I want to say much about the 'A' levels because really I find I care less about them the closer they loom. Pride, glory, reputation: I have fought and cried for all; none ever brought me joy; ah the tragedy, we sigh. 'A' levels hardly matter to my pursuits of these three, and I don't think I want them to matter to me. I've stopped having much of an opinion of which grades I want, and which would put me to shame. All I can think now, in fact, is that 'A' looks like a face.

Prelims

I should like my scores yet I know I should not either. LLC's presentation informs me that I'm in the top 5% of the cohort with my grades, and all without touching my notes (out of laziness to find them, no more). By grades this is the best exam I've done. By percentiles this is on par with my very first CT--my very worst in JC.

Of course I won't mope about; I'm more than delighted at my scores as they are. But one cannot help but regret laziness, once the results come.

I bring my Dean's List tally up to 8 appearances. Not important, but it does swell my heart to see my name in a public place (fame gets me like not much else). I complete my Biology A, no-fail and Literature Dean's List  full combos. Proud of it.

To think I failed three subjects at the Sec 4 MYA. (Physics, Chemistry, Math 2, Social Studies.) I imagine I'd be an "inspirational tale" to any sixteen-year-old foundering amidst low GPAs. Though it makes me wonder if I could have had better--better if my hard work had begun at a younger age, better if I'd given my all instead of my one-quarter. But then I know I dislike allowing systems and expectations to contort me, and if I will be great then I will be great by my own creation.

Biology: AAAAA

Chemistry: DAABA

Mathematics: BCCBB

Literature: BBABA

GP: DBAAA

'A' levels

My predicted grades are straight A's (WOW) but judging by my trajectory and raw scores, I straddle the line between A and B for everything but Biology and Math (where I vacillate between B and C).

I will not care much, really. Ultimately the examination is meant to tell the universities how smart you are, and how capable of handling the demands of the course--and there are many more ways to know you are capable than through your certificate. Especially when the courses of your interest are more or less unrelated to your academic ability. Half of those I'm interested in don't even require me to show my cert.

What'd the hard work go towards, then? It is a precaution. I take five shots; I may hit the target on none. Maybe good results expand the target. I can't possibly throw out these two years of learning.

Even then, I doubt bad results will make more than a superficial scratch on my life at large. I am of the belief that those meant to be great will arrive at greatness, whatever their certificates suggest. Those meant to be mediocre will not be helped by good scores earned through toil. If this toil must be sustained for their continual success, they will quickly be overtaken by naturals, and ultimately will tire of it. No happiness there.

I believe in going where you're born to be, not in fighting currents and pretending to be greater than you were made, masquerading work as talent. (Just as I do not believe in punishment or deterrence.) If I'm meant to be great, I will. Otherwise I will not question luck or fate.

New page

The fandom list that I had originally on Facebook. Mostly written in a half-attentive state over two years...

writing woes...

My main character is clearly too reckless, and I can't justify it. There goes Convincing Characterisation...

I hate when people claim to empathise with me on something that I like to believe makes me unique. Or something.

In response

Unfortunately, it will be terrible in comparison. Go ahead, keep your cash, take matters into your own hands, O Great One. Uh.