...

30.4.13

Oh god...this urge to punch her face out...why can't I put it under control, why.

27.4.13

Another dream, this one about learning superpowers

Last night I dreamt of being in a nice chain of open-air rooms looking like a modern condominium unit with lots more balconies and bridges. There was a strange convenience store-cum-trinket shop right at the middle of the chain of rooms and a balcony-corridor that went around the back overlooking some sort of forested area, just like the space beyond our backyard--except it was elevated relative to the forest.

There were deer and tigers about on the grounds, and a nearby park like Kent Ridge Park where I live, but down a hill instead of up.

Apparently my schoolmates and I were there to LEARN SUPERPOWERS. There was this catalogue at the convenience store with a list of tiered powers (e.g. tier one would be "heat", tier two became "fire" etc) and below each, the number of points you had to spend to gain each. So apparently I was in a game. Most of the tier one things cost 300 points and I recall from a previous dream that I have around 5000 (earned via some means I do not remember).

I spent half the time contemplating which to take--and the other half searching for flight-related powers because I was aware that I was in a dream and I really wanted to fly in-dream. Unfortunately flight was tier two and I'd have to gain high-speed/propulsion (whatever that is) before spending another 700 points to upgrade.

And I woke up before I could try it...bluh.

There was also a separate story arc relating to the tigers in the forest and relocating the deer before they were hunted down. That's when I went down the hill into the park (the place where the deer intended to move). There was also some kind of radio system thing and I think I had a "partner in training" who was male and wore glasses and we were working together on this quest. Apparently the other end of the condominium-room-system thing extended into a lake and I went there at twilight when the reflections on the surface were picturesque purple.

I blame a combination of Railgun, Homestuck, Revolving Door and Miyazaki.

22.4.13

I'm still ranked beneath, am I? I am, of course I am.

21.4.13

Dear diary, I just watched 19 episodes of anime today

And I don't even regret it. Because the anime was A Certain Scientific Railgun and I don't know, there's SO MUCH I love about it.

1) MIKOTO. I mean

BOOM there goes the car


BLAM yeah what were you saying?


WHOOPS I MIGHT HAVE LEFT A SCRATCH ON YOUR MECHA

I mean people this badass should need a registered certificate permitting their existence because they could damage some poor fan's heart.

2) THE WORLD. [shameless copy-paste from Facebook] The thing I find really appealing about the Raildex world is how 1) everyone 2) has a near-unique power 3) and an officially-determined skill level.

Normally in scifi/fantasy what you see is a narrow set of stock powers from which characters can choose (e.g. Avatar). Barring superhero fiction, of course, and you could say this is pretty similar to superhero fiction. But then superheroes tend to be the exception rather than the norm in their societies. What is REALLY refreshing about Index/Railgun is that powers are the common thing. They're TAUGHT. And level system is reminiscent of ranks and levels in games--but limiting it to 5 levels leaves enough ambiguity that they don't define a character's exact standing in terms of power, while still maintaining the weight they carry because they're determined via tests rather than speculatively-assigned.

3) I really REALLY like how it manages to discuss many issues of real world education systems despite being about a school for KEWL SUPERPOWERZ. Saten Ruiko's arc had me in tears for majority of it because she was basically lamenting her natural inability and the marginalisation it may have caused in a city that basically values academic standard over everything else.

Add.) Cool nicknames. aGHDG. I mean, Electromaster. Vector Change. Aero Hand. Judgment. Accelerator. Railgun. Mental Out. Heck, even "Dummy Check" is cool for something that makes people forget they saw you. Everything seems to have a nickname and for some reason that REALLY GETS ME ;A;

/this has been a gush post, second in a few days...

17.4.13

my very calmly-expressed thoughts regarding Homestuck

Never mind if this is inviting replies and those replies are going to affect my perception of the other 67% but *SCREEEEEAAAAAAM* It's been three days and I'm 33% of the way through Homestuck. OMG there are no words for it. JUST NONE. I mean there are moments during the story where I just need to lean back and laugh not because of the impeccable humour but because IT'S SO DAMN GOOD I DON'T BELIEVE I'M READING SOMETHING LIKE IT. It is unadulterated GENIUS!?!?!?@?1?#?#@# It's like everything awesome about scifi with a metafictional leaning ON STEROIDS. I am hysterical with adoration. AGRGHghGHDHFHSDF

JADE JADE JADE AJSKDHFASLF AAHKAGH WHY IS SHE SO AWESOME AND ROSE'S VERBAL ADROITNESS WHAAHFAS DAGAGHH AND ALL THE MAIN CHARACTERS OK AGH

CUTES ALSO CUTE FRUITS AND CUTE BROWSERS AND CUTE POGO GHOST AND CUTE STABBED CROW AND CUTE TANGLE BUDDIES WHEAT

FDAJHFASHFAS  AVAEWRFWAEFDAF

GIVE ME A WEEK AND THEN YOU, FANDOM, CAN THROW EVERYTHING AT ME. I AM MORE THAN READY. I WAS BORN FOR THIS.

14.4.13

No, now my mind's just attacking itself. Of course you all can live without me, so why do I find it so hard to reconcile myself with the idea? You have lives to live and I'm no part of their fabric. I'm the seabed into which you once threw your anchor. You wrench it out now and it's left a gap, a wound, but you will sail away as if no commitment of that metal had ever been made. I'm just some sand to you. Never mind. It shouldn't matter. I've never taken well to being ignored. Being ignored.

12.4.13

Keep the rules. Keep them safe. Don’t be the blade in the fabric. Be a part in the machine.

But is it so wrong, to want to be a blade, to run off your rails?

self-absorption

I'm forever on the verge of saying things that would reveal me for my self-absorption, and I always decide against saying them. But I can't flee from what I know I am, can I?

apologies

I'm beginning to realise a lot of my posts make me sound like an idiot and a bitch. I tend to say strange things when I'm angry I guess...

7.4.13

My sister has such a huge ego I want to strangle her. Not the one who sings. But yeah I also want to strangle her when I hear her sing.

6.4.13

my Tumblr

I've partly migrated to http://for-analgesia.tumblr.com. I'm sentimentally attached to this blog of course, but most of what I post here will be doubled there. I like reblogging things, you see. There's a lot of material on Tumblr and it's easy to find. There's not much community here. The advantage of this place is that you don't know who reads, I suppose.

1.4.13

These two years have been so fraught with worry. I don't know why I can't just settle. Why do I keep thinking I may have made a wrong choice?