I don't know anymore. Seriously. All I said was that I missed my first chance to join netball because I changed school for GEP, then missed my second because I had third language on the day of the trial. I only intended to make a point about how I could be doing something completely different with my life now, if not for chance.

And as always--as if obligated to--my sisters had to make me feel bad for saying something they interpreted as arrogant. Twisted it so it meant "I was sure I could get into netball". And ONLY since they asked, I was honest and told them straight that I did think I was good at netball. ("was" not "am" because at present I can't even run for nuts.) How else was I supposed to answer?

Thereafter they did not contradict me directly, but only because they could not, having no evidence on the contrary, so they played the usual game--spoke with condescending tone, made veiled insults via omission and implication. And I could not have blamed them for anything, because they hadn't spoken a single direct insult and could easily have denied any perceived implications of their words.

I am sorry; I really have to let these things out sometimes. I know I should have more confidence or should simply ignore them, but ignoring isn't as simple a matter as deleting the thought from my mind. I can only endure this habitation with the two people I hate most in the world, and hope it's only because they assume I trust them that they put me down so freely. I don't want all the world to be like this.

This again, in case my posts both present and past haven't made it clear enough: I abhor my siblings and I would like to see them dead, mauled if possible. I'd see to it personally too, if I cared not for my own life. But since murder is outlawed I will bear with it.