I have changed a whole lot since entering RJ. I don't care as much for the feelings of others. I am more jealous. More ambitious. I lie and pretend for things I want. And above all I have grown so, so selfish. So insufferably selfish.

It feels so unwholesome, living this way. This is not a person I enjoy being. Yet it's who I have become, so what's poisoning me?

I want to write this while I'm still aware, because I suspect that very soon it will swallow me and I won't even remember that I was different before.

Is this merely growing up? Or has something happened to change me unnaturally?