KING OF ANYTHING

For the hundredth time, yes.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eR7-AUmiNcA

Lyrics!

nerves?

Truth is, I think I'm going to be angry with myself if I get any less than straight A's (barring the B/C for math, which I won't mind much). Not because I feel that's what I deserve, but because that's what I know I am capable of.

We all know how it feels to discover you've direly underperformed in something you were so certain you'd succeed in. But we know also the ecstasy of unprecedented success. And we fear that embracing hope of the latter will bare us to the siege of the former.

I hate you! You're sending all the wrong messages. You think it will impress me, is that wrong? It doesn't. You're coming across as an arrogant ass.

I have changed a whole lot since entering RJ. I don't care as much for the feelings of others. I am more jealous. More ambitious. I lie and pretend for things I want. And above all I have grown so, so selfish. So insufferably selfish.

It feels so unwholesome, living this way. This is not a person I enjoy being. Yet it's who I have become, so what's poisoning me?

I want to write this while I'm still aware, because I suspect that very soon it will swallow me and I won't even remember that I was different before.

Is this merely growing up? Or has something happened to change me unnaturally?