I'll defeat you all. I'll become more famous. I'll be happier with my life. I'll enjoy it more than you. And I hope you don't enjoy yours. I'll prove myself. I'm not worse than you. It'll be my revenge for years of being seen as only mediocre.

I feel unsafe in my own. Around my own sister. How did it come to this?

HOW MANY TIMES do I have to remind myself not to scroll through my friends' Facebook Timelines? It only makes me angry! God. Why don't I have more self control. Do I enjoy making myself angry?

So, it's been about a month. Two to go, if my body behaves as it used to.

just want to be alone with myself...don't want to remember what is to come, don't want to remember that there's anyone else in the world. and want to stop feeling sick. I"m so tired...

I feel terribly unhealthy.

Going through the usual motions, "does he ever notice me" "am I too ugly for consideration" "can he tell I'm looking" "does he like someone else". Even though I have no intention of getting attached. Logically. Of course my attraction wants otherwise.

Thankfully it's all relatively mild. I just hope no one realises before it's gone.

I'll only start friendship-extension efforts after this has cooled down.

Just want to be able to relax and not worry for once.

I want to enjoy something. I want to do something I love without feeling like a terrible person.

Please, please make me hate you.

I want this feeling to go away. More than anything. When I was younger, crushes were nice to have. But now I just go into panic at every inkling of excitement and it's making my life hell. Please, I don't want this to go on. It's torture. And no one has any control over it. Shit.

OK stop, anxiety. It's tough enough as it is dealing with stuff without having an adrenaline rush every five minutes.

Emotionally exhausted...and it's still tuesday...

Dammit traitorous dreams. I went into panic when I woke up. I still feel horrible.

Ok why should I keep quiet about it any longer, I have a crush on a classmate and it's getting very bad and while it is accompanied by the typical positive emotions it's mostly resulting in panic because for so many reasons it's so important that no one realises it until the feelings fade. I'm just living in fear now because it's impossible to control and I'm jist hoping desperately that something changes soon...

I mean, I've got to be terribly selfish to think anyone owes me kindness.