realisation about two of my original characters

More like the two original characters I've found myself obsessing over to the greatest degree, really: Ketara from OTDOTS and Ruthenia from US.

They're direct antitheses of each other. In fact, they're such perfect opposites I could contrast them point for point. A la biology essay questions, I could create a whole table discussing their differences and similarities but I'm sleepy and tables look bad on blogs.

Let's see...Ruthenia is a tomboy, Ketara is an effeminate male (in conventional terms). Ruthenia primarily demands things of others, Ketara willingly accedes to others. Ruthenia hates being told what to do and actively resists anyone's attempts to do so; being told what to do and doing it without fuss almost defines the entirety of Ketara's characterisation. Ruthenia is a selfish realist who sees the world as a cruel place and all people as being themselves selfish, but Ketara's world view is about the direct opposite--he is a selfless idealist who wants to believes the best of everyone and will not condemn. Ruthenia pretty much doesn't care about beauty, visual, aural, psychological, etc. while Ketara is easily amazed by the same. Needless to say the former is a sloppy dresser and commonly viewed as unattractive, while the latter is practically attractiveness personified.

Strangely enough, their MBTI profiles (this again!) are ENFP and ESTP respectively. Is that disparity in how they choose to process input and form conclusions (in characterisation terms at least), one through cold, calculative logic and the other through considering heartfelt concerns, really enough to set their personalities apart?

I suppose I've only covered the differences in their thought processes. Both are dominant (as opposed to submissive) types: they will take active steps to have what they desire, even if the things they desire seem entirely disparate.

(Or of course it could just be my differing taste with regards to main characters of the two sexes. It's no secret that I'm particularly drawn to people straddling the line between, and I don't just mean fictionally.)

I really should analyse my characterisation, it reveals things about my own mind, and it somewhat amazes me how real these personalities can grow (in my mind) after a few years with them. I know I'm guilty of referring to them like acquaintances sometimes. :P

~

君と出逢った
あの日が
始まりのSTORY

imaginary family

(click for big version)

Tree of the current Arcane royal family, goes up four generations. I cannot begin to imagine how and why the family grew so big. Though it cannot be seen from here, Aligon is the elected Arcane King and you can deduce the rest of the relations.  Funny that it's no longer much of "the Luzerno family" at all even if the story's centred around them. Lora and her branch are included because Lora is Aleigh's classmate.

quote dumping begins here

"It's also how you thank someone you hold in high regard," he said. 

She turned aside to hide her grin. "High regard, eh? High enough, it would seem, for you to have neglected saying goodbye to me for near three entire months." 

“I am sorry,” he replied. “You have, after all, been the epitome of politeness these three months.” 

“And you’ve been most deservingly humble, your Highness.”

Just a day in the life.

I do like to think we all stand equal.

"Nothing that grieves us can be called little: by the eternal laws of proportion a child's loss of a doll and a king's loss of a crown are events of the same size."

- Mark Twain, Which Was the Dream?

well maybe I overthink

I will do it because I need to, not because you tell me I must and because it's conventional and customary and respectful.

What use is custom unless custom is based on necessity? What use are traditions, besides the psychological grounding one might gain from anchoring one's life routines to a preset system? The ones who came up with this system--their possessiveness died with their neural impulses, so don't go serving their vengeful ghosts or the habits they ingrained in you.

I don't long your structure and I don't need it, so stop telling me traditions are meant to be kept and that systems must run without modification.

Respect, I understand. Respect is the bribe for benefit. I bow to you now because you are my ruler and you have every right of mine upon your fingertips, easily confiscated at the slightest inkling of disagreement with your system. But if my acts serve nothing but your rule and your preference then this is tyranny, and you can be quite certain it will do nothing for the love you crave in return from me.

still struggling with the same things, six years on

Your work gives me motivation to improve on mine. Maybe the feeling isn't quite positive, but observing gives me a sense of how far I have to go, helps me know what I have to do. But I will continue to long superiority, and that is what I will work for, till I indisputably have it, or till the torment of its eluding me turns me away completely.

flaws and characterisation

Must...reduce...Sueness...

And also, I must remove any scenes that would tempt one to portray a character as a Mary-Sue.

It's such a temptation to write a character who gets everything right. Mistakes hamper story progress. Badly-done, they make a character seem more idiotic than human. Where are the flaws in my main character? She's rude. She thinks pestering and bullying others will get her everything she wants. She hates anyone who tells her how to behave.

But I haven't quite proven that those are bad traits in context, have I? She could have those flaws, but if they do not earn her ridicule, or if no one rightly accuses her of wrongdoing without eventually being put down--then they aren't really flaws, are they?

So some people in-story think she's inappropriate. Some nag at her. Others stick their noses up in her presence. But I portray them as cruel, vain, pretentious--is that my bias, or is that an artifact of writing from her limited point of view? Am I making her look right in her point of view only; have I made it clear enough that we're supposed to disagree with her, or are objective events not enough of a clue for readers to realise so?

Character development is normally the route from these doldrums--have her grow out of it, look back, and realise how stupid she was being. That's my aim, but till the story ends the reader would probably not see much of that. That is my fear.

silence

You know those situations, fictional or real, where someone--not wanting another's attention--ignores them entirely? Well, living has taught me that doing so never achieves that aim. You become a puzzle. Instead of cooling interests, that void of response is intriguing, begets more interest. It becomes somewhat of a challenge too; who so easily snubs the advances of another? I've always attempted to seek interest by responding readily--but perhaps it's silence that is more alluring.

=.=.=

Meh. Apparently I was forced into a collab when I agreed to compose for this year's farewell video. I don't want to come across as proud to the other person, and it is likely he/she would be able to make the work much better than I can manage, but it just doesn't fit into my work process, to have another in on it and able to modify what I've written...

all these things I'm not a part of

identities

None of my identities every actually stuck. I still take time to recall who I am to whom, and repeatedly find myself unable to imagine myself carrying these images. How is it some think me poetic? Others think me a waste? A "taken" person, in a place where we're the minority? It's strange.

"Because I knew you, I have been changed for good."

(I am going to live by this line from now onward)

lazy to give titles

Really need to break the habit of using the computer at home after school. Computer -> sleep deprivation -> unproductive the next day. And like today, -> bad mood -> break under small tensions -> class disruption.

I feel bad for the teachers who had to put up with me. The only lesson I actually attended today was Math, and only half of it. Skipped PE and Assembly, spent 3/4 of Bio practical crying + sleeping in class.

If I see someone whose work I perceive to be superior to mine, I must not wallow in self-hate. I must not act on jealousy. I must take their work as inspiration, as study material, scrutinise it, learn from it--ultimately work towards reaching their level and then towards surpassing it. Instead of mourning my incompetency and the fact that "I'll never be as good", I must practise to "be as good"--I can.